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Paranoia (058 of 170)

Posted: 22 Aug 2011 09:31 PM PDT

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058
—of —
170
Paranoia
by Joseph Finder
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Paranoia by Joseph Finder. Copyright 2004 by Joseph Finder.
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Part Three: 29 (Cont'd)

The waiting area had just the right kind of HR look—a lot of dignified mahogany, to say we're serious and this is about your career, and colorful, welcoming, cushy-looking chairs. Which told you that whenever you came to HR you were going to sit there on your butt for an ungodly long time.

I looked around for closed-circuit TV cameras and didn't see any. Not that I was expecting any; this wasn't a bank—or the skunkworks—but I just wanted to make sure. Or as sure as I could be, anyway.

The lights were on low, which made the place look even more stately. Or spooky, I couldn't decide.

For a few seconds I stood there, thinking. There weren't any cleaning people around to let me in; they probably came late at night or early in the morning. That would have been the best way in. Instead, I'd have to try the same old my-badge-won't-work trick, which had gotten me this far. I went back downstairs and headed into the lobby through the back way, where a female lobby ambassador with big brassy red hair was watching a rerun of The Bachelor on one of the security monitors.

"And I thought I was the only one who had to work on Sunday," I said to her. She looked up, laughed politely, turned back to her show. I looked like I belonged, I had a badge clipped to my belt, and I was coming from the inside, so I was supposed to be there, right? She wasn't the talkative type, but that was a good thing—she just wanted to be left alone to watch The Bachelor. She'd do anything to get rid of me.

"Hey, listen," I said, "sorry to bother you, but do you have that machine to fix badges? It's not like I want to get into my office or anything, but I have to or I'm out of a job, and the damned badge-reader won't let me in. It's like it knows I should be home watching football, you know?"

She smiled. She probably wasn't used to Trion employees even noticing her. "I know what you mean," she said. "But sorry, the lady who does that won't be in till tomorrow."

"Oh, man. How am I supposed to get in? I can't wait till tomorrow. I'm totally screwed."

She nodded, picked up her phone. "Stan," she said, "can you help us out here?"

Stan, the security guard, showed up a couple minutes later. He was a small, wiry, swarthy guy in his fifties with an obvious toupee that was jet black while the fringe of real hair all around it was going gray. I could never understand why you would bother to wear a hairpiece if you weren't going to update it once in a while to make it look halfway convincing. We took the elevator up to the third floor. I gave him some complicated blather about how HR was on a hierarchically separate badging system, but he wasn't too interested. He wanted to talk sports, and that I could do, no problem. He was bummed out about the Denver Broncos, and I pretended I was too. When we got to HR, he took out his badge, which probably let him in anywhere he worked in this part of the building. He waved it at the card reader. "Don't work too hard," he said.

"Thanks, brother," I said.

He turned to look at me. "You better get that badge fixed," he said.

And I was in.




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    Robin Hood (58 of 79)

    Posted: 22 Aug 2011 09:30 PM PDT

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    58
    —of —
    79
    Robin Hood
    by J. Walker Mcspadden
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    Chapter XVII: How the Bishop Was Dined

    "O what is the matter?" then said the Bishop,
    "Or for whom do you make this a-do?
    Or why do you kill the King's venison,
    When your company is so few?"

    "We are shepherds," quoth bold Robin Hood,
    "And we keep sheep all the year,
    And we are disposed to be merrie this day,
    And to kill of the King's fat deer."

    Not many days after Sir Richard of the Lea came to Sherwood Forest, word reached Robin Hood's ears that my lord Bishop of Hereford would be riding that way betimes on that morning. 'Twas Arthur-a-Bland, the knight's quondam esquire, who brought the tidings, and Robin's face brightened as he heard it.

    "Now, by our Lady!" quoth he, "I have long desired to entertain my lord in the greenwood, and this is too fair a chance to let slip. Come, my men, kill me a venison; kill me a good fat deer. The Bishop of Hereford is to dine with me today, and he shall pay well for his cheer."

    "Shall we dress it here, as usual?" asked Much, the miller's son.

    "Nay, we play a droll game on the churchman. We will dress it by the highway side, and watch for the Bishop narrowly, lest he should ride some other way."

    So Robin gave his orders, and the main body of his men dispersed to different parts of the forest, under Will Stutely and Little John, to watch other roads; while Robin Hood himself took six of his men, including Will Scarlet, and Much, and posted himself in full view of the main road. This little company appeared funny enough, I assure you, for they had disguised themselves as shepherds. Robin had an old wool cap, with a tail to it, hanging over his ear, and a shock of hair stood straight up through a hole in the top. Besides there was so much dirt on his face that you would never have known him. An old tattered cloak over his hunter's garb completed his make-up. The others were no less ragged and unkempt, even the foppish Will Scarlet being so badly run down at the heel that the court ladies would hardly have had speech with him.

    They quickly provided themselves with a deer and made great preparations to cook it over a small fire, when a little dust was seen blowing along the highway, and out of it came the portly Bishop cantering along with ten men-at-arms at his heels. As soon as he saw the fancied shepherds he spurred up his horse, and came straight toward them.

    "Who are ye, fellows, who make so free with the King's deer?" he asked sharply.

    "We are shepherds," answered Robin Hood, pulling at his forelock awkwardly.

    "Heaven have mercy! Ye seem a sorry lot of shepherds. But who gave you leave to cease eating mutton?"

    "'Tis one of our feast days, lording, and we were disposed to be merry this day, and make free with a deer, out here where they are so many."

    "By me faith, the King shall hear of this. Who killed yon beast?"

    "Give me first your name, excellence, so that I may speak where 'tis fitting," replied Robin stubbornly.

    "'Tis my lord Bishop of Hereford, fellow!" interposed one of the guards fiercely. "See that you keep a civil tongue in your head."

    "If 'tis a churchman," retorted Will Scarlet, "he would do better to mind his own flocks rather than concern himself with ours."

    "Ye are saucy fellows, in sooth," cried the Bishop, "and we will see if your heads will pay for your manners. Come! quit your stolen roast and march along with me, for you shall be brought before the Sheriff of Nottingham forthwith."

    "Pardon, excellence!" said Robin, dropping on his knees. "Pardon, I pray you. It becomes not your lordship's coat to take so many lives away."

    "Faith, I'll pardon you!" said the Bishop. "I'll pardon you, when I see you hanged! Seize upon them, my men!"

    But Robin had already sprung away with his back against a tree. And from underneath his ragged cloak he drew his trusty horn and winded the piercing notes which were wont to summon the band.

    The Bishop no sooner saw this action than he knew his man, and that there was a trap set; and being an arrant coward, he wheeled his horse sharply and would have made off down the road; but his own men, spurred on the charge, blocked his way. At almost the same instant the bushes round about seemed literally to become alive with outlaws. Little John's men came from one side and Will Stutely's from the other. In less time than it takes to tell it, the worthy Bishop found himself a prisoner, and began to crave mercy from the men he had so lately been ready to sentence.

    "O pardon, O pardon," said the Bishop,
    "O pardon, I you pray.
    For if I had known it had been you,
    I'd have gone some other way."

    "I owe you no pardon," retorted Robin, "but I will e'en treat you better than you would have treated me. Come, make haste, and go along with me. I have already planned that you shall dine with me this day."




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